The other day I read a Facebook link posted by one of my ‘friends’ who was sharing a biblical resource that claims to do for biblical references what snope.com does for urban legends. I immediately sent a Facebook message to ask a couple of other ‘friends’ their opinion of the site’s information. My colleagues were helpful, but several days later, I realized I was thinking of them more than usual. I think it is because I am not satisfied with our interactions merely being a trade of facts, info, and opinions. I know my day-to-day interactions include these fio exchanges, but they had previously been secondary to a genuine feeling of camaraderie in the hello-how-are-you-isn’t-the-weather-something-something banter. Now my interactions seem to resemble google-dot-com searches from wikipedia content.
It might not be merely the technology that has reduced interactions to this practice. I spent the majority of my life relating to teachers until I started working. And now that my employment is in an academic institution, the teach-me-something expectation is ubiquitous. When I started pre-school, I hardly noticed the substitution of the already familiar exchange of parental wisdom in the home into authoritative specialist exposing me to provocative ideas. The extended school year couple with being together during the better part of each day, these once strangers became my primary informants on practices for building relationships beyond the family.
Even those for whom the public education system has been a failure have nonetheless developed a functional style of relating with others. We seek relationships that bolster our own reputations by association or benefit our existence through reciprocal gain. Maybe this is why our society has such a high divorce rate accompanied by serial attempts to establish family. Like being promoted from one level to the next, we abandon existing relationships in pursuit of something more, something better, or something else with each new partnership.
So maybe this is why God’s answer to the inappropriateness of solitary human existence was neither a paid therapist, a seasonal friend, an institution of advanced learning nor an elected government. The original intention for community is family. A rather messy association, which can be abandoned, but not abolished. The genetic connection remains, with its physical resemblances, not to mention the evidence of dispositions acquired through shared patterns of everything from eating rituals to how one values the environment. Heritage, both its legacy and ancestry, provides a framework that links one to a past before laying out ones future.
One must learn to face the flaws of one’s legacy in order to embrace one’s parental promise. You can learn much from a lecturer and avoid direct association with their personal frailties. But even when you marry into a family, you take on their reputation — both good and bad. No pre-nuptials can erase the branding of a name and affiliation.
On Facebook, I can avoid publicly “liking” a link though privately reading it in its entirety. I can end a friendship without ever sharing with the other why. I can bolster my credibility by sharing posts from friends of friends I have never met. And I can rely on the expertise of my many connections when a question arises. But without the face-to-face, daily exchanges in the messy relationships that risk misunderstanding, require apology and responds with forgiveness, functional affinity groups lack the humanizing quality of community.
We need to take care that as we acquire information, we don’t undermine genuine association. The gift of hundreds of virtual friends should only enhance the privilege of family and real friendships that have endured the tests and trials of time. I am grateful for Facebook and the extended relationships it affords. But don’t be surprised if every now and then, I pick up the phone for a long chat. Or better yet, drop by for an unscheduled meal. I guess there is something more than enjoyment to hearing the cadence of your voice when you tell me you are fine, the weather’s unchanged and ask the same of me.
(Originally posted on The View from Here www.nextstepevangelism.org 12 August 2011)